The Blank Page

The hardest part of writing, for me, is starting with a blank page. As my warm up exercise, I decided to explore each of the reasons why, in a stream-of-consciousness style. I’ve come to four major roadblocks.

The Possibilities Are Endless

I’m someone who has always been overwhelmed when I have too many options. Don’t give me a hundred flavors of ice cream to choose from, or I’ll probably decide not to get ice cream at all! A blank page, similarly, has unlimited potential. I can use it to write about theme, any topic, any narrative trope that catches my fancy. As someone whose eye has currently outgrown my hand, it feels like I have a million different directions I can go to practice and grow. Picking one of them feels like an impossible task.

There’s Nothing to Build Off Of

The easiest part of writing, for me, is building off of what I just wrote. I pride myself on my ability to “yes and” something, including myself. Once a character has started down a road, I am happy to narrate the twists and turns. But without that first step, I feel directionless. Even once I’ve picked an idea to run with, introducing the narrative, picking a place to start, seems impossible. The same way a painter grapples with the first brush stroke, or a sculptor the first strike of a chisel, I find myself grappling with with the first word.

The Engine Needs Warming Up

I love to write, but that doesn’t mean it necessarily comes as naturally as breathing. My brain is a muscle, and ironically, it’s not one that’s good with language (just ask any of the four foreign language teachers whose classes I’ve failed). Before I can jump into writing, I need to warm up my brain, normally by working on an old story or writing a short personal anecdote. Ironically, sometimes the exercise I use to warm up becomes more interesting to me than the story I’m trying to write, or it uses all of the mental energy I had that day. It’s a peculiar balancing act.

Performance Anxiety

My therapist calls it “Impostor Syndrome.” I struggle to consider myself much of a writer at all, much less an author. It doesn’t matter that I’ve won contests against others or seen my writing make people genuinely laugh or shudder. My confidence doesn’t care that I’ve been sought out for writing tips and constructive criticisms. When I read back my own writing, all I can think is, “I could have done so much better.”

I’ve mentioned further up that my eye grows faster than my hand- a truth that’s consistent across many art forms. I’m aware that I don’t have much of a balance between short and long sentences. My word choice is characteristically eccentric, which I don’t mind, but I also seem allergic to using the same adjective more than once. I’m far too fond of ellipses and far too fond of dramatic one-sentence paragraphs…

The ones that put an idea in the spotlight.

I have a strange sense of humor, as well, and a strange relationship with perception, fear, and health. My own health has been poor in many ways. I’ve experienced physical pain so immense that the memories are no longer accessible to me. I’ve experienced paranoia and psychosis. I view the world through a strange dual lens of deep trauma and childlike wonder. This comes out in my writing, to the point where I have abandoned works for coming a little too close to the way I really think. It’s something I’m trying to do less, though. After all, the whole point of writing is to communicate ideas and share our perception with the world, isn’t it?

I also say “though,” “just,” and, “after all,” way too often in my writing. You’d be amazed how often I edit those out of something.

So, How Do I Tackle The Blank Page?

I’ve employed a number of strategies to tackle a blank page before. The one I use most commonly is starting outside the page. I’ll get a different piece of paper or write on my glass-topped desk with a dry erase marker. This works best if I already have an idea, but also helps when I’m still tossing ideas around.

When I’m trying to settle on an idea, another thing I’ll do is inject something into my process for inspiration. I’ll use one of my decks of playing cards as a tarot deck and search for general concepts. I’ll flip to a random page of my thesaurus and write down the first word or words that catch my eye. I’ll roll a die and contemplate a metaphor I could create out of the number. I’ll go outside and write down what I see, hear, and smell. I’ll put my Spotify liked songs on shuffle and see what vibe comes out. I’ll flip through an old textbook or another novel I enjoy. I used to check the news to pull inspiration from current events, too, but living as a queer person in an interracial relationship, in a deeply MAGA area during the second Trump administration… Well, I’ve found that writing while angry is particularly exhausting.

Because my brain is allergic to routine sometimes, I also try to switch up my source of inspiration every now and then. I’ll try something new just to get the gears spinning a different direction, which helps a lot. As a holiday gift to myself I’ve purchased the Story Engine Deck, along with many bundled expansions to go with it, so I’m excited to try that out with that arrives.

I’ve found, though (<- there it is again!), that the biggest help when faced with a blank page is to make it not blank anymore. Write something, anything. Throw words onto the page the way a painter might splatter acrylic on their canvas. Mar the pristine, disrupt the perfection! Cause a ripple in the still surface of the water, and if you follow that momentum long enough, you’ll start creating waves.

Today, I’m faced with another blank page. I’ve warmed myself up with this introspection and I’m ready to write, but what, I don’t know yet. But I’m enjoying that water analogy I just wrote, so maybe I’ll follow that thread. As to where I’ll end up by the end of the month, who knows? But I’m excited to find out.

If you got here, thanks for reading. I hope you’re less daunted by your next blank page.